Yes, The Point Of This Post Is To Brag A Little. Fuck You.

I got a call the other day from a number I didn't recognize.

The caller was a woman of [English|New Zealish|Australian] extraction.

Her: "Hello, Eli? This is Bernadette from Maseeda's Bins. You asked me to call you when the 2008 model arrived."

(Huh? Bins? Like what, garbage bins? In what narcotized state did I decided that last year's model of bin wasn't sufficient?)

Me: "Who?"

Her: "Maseeda's Bins. The 2008 C-Class has arrived. Would you like to schedule a test drive?"

Me: "Oh! Mercedes Benz!"

Your Liberal Guilt Got Cuba Gooding Jr. An Oscar, And Now This Is Happening

Someone wake me up they make 'Daddy AIDS Hospice'.

Riker's Island Is In New York, New York

Amazingly, Ja Rule actually can still get arrested.

To Be Fair, They Were Really Nice Sunglasses

You know that ad in the elevator at the mall?

The one that talks about how 'I' make you confident, alluring, etc.?

The one that ends with 'I am your sunglasses'?

Whoever wrote that totally went to college to learn how to write in the voice of sunglasses.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

More Like Hogan's Queer-Os

Heroin Chic Is The Headline, and The Irony Is Obvious

The bar downstairs is promoting a 'Heroin Chic' thing.

So chic.

Seriously. How hot is that?

Bizarre Crotch Triangle

Nice shorts.

The Green One Is Turtle, And Jason Lee Is Whichever One Is The Doucheiest*

For those of you who can't get sick of 'Entourage', here's a spin-off.

*Ari, obviously.

Movie Reviews: Summer Buttbusters

Still busy. You get what you pay for.

Here are some clever movie reviews:
'Live Free Or Die Fart'
'A Mighty Fart'
'Transformers. Fart!'

The Sandiwch Is Out Of The Office

Sorry, no posts lately.

I've been tied up down at the courthouse trying to get my name changed.

'Jean-Claude Van Halen' has a great ring to it.